Don't Turn Your Back on Me

Singapore, 2023 This is an image created from a memory I had when I was about 4 years old. I was being caned by my mother for treating my father as a slide. I ran to my father and begged him to help me. He sat motionless in front of the Television screen, ignoring my wails. I pulled onto his singlet tightly while my mother lifted both my legs with one of her hands. She then continued raining strokes of cane with the other free hand. I held onto the singlet strap with my dear life. I did not dare to let go. "Papa help me!" Then, the singlet snapped. I fell onto the white-tiled floor and my mother dragged me away. The caning ensued. During then, I felt like I was dying. My savior refused to save me. My hero abandoned me. No one was there for me. It was not only recently when I did my traumawork that this memory resurfaced and I saw how I was overly reliant on having someone to save me as I pushed the responsibility of making my personal decisions to a higher authority.